Know Your Limit

 

Came home from work late today…again.

I’m passionate about my job as a psychiatrist and spent about two hours with each patient that I was called to consult on the medical floor this weekend.  Lunch and dinner were an afterthought.  I felt the hunger pangs, but pushed on because the appreciation received from each patient for taking time to understand their situation made hypoglycemia worthwhile.

Today, I spent several hours on a complicated case.   Coordination of care took place, notes thoroughly written, and necessary calls made.  I left the clinic with a goal to leave work behind.  However, the patient is still on my mind.  Accepting that I can’t save a patient is one of the most difficult aspects of my job.  No words of appreciation expected, no reassurance of their safety, no guarantee of tomorrow.

I can’t cure, I can’t heal, I can’t save, but it would be out of my character not to at least try.

Popular Party-Pooper

{Port Hueneme Pier}

Introvert = energized by activities alone

Extrovert = energized by activities around people

Introvert tends to negatively associate with being a “loner” or “party pooper” and conversely, one may assume that an extrovert is “the life of the party.”  Growing up in southern CA, I felt pressure to be an extrovert because who really wants to be viewed as a loner or party pooper?  But then again, I was also quite young, naive, and superficial, with minimal sense of self-identity, at the time.  Pretty standard for a growing teen.

I completed a Myers-Briggs personality test during residency and scores revealed that I was an extrovert.  My past young adult self would’ve jumped for joy at the thought of having proof and objective data verifying that I am indeed an extrovert, and therefore NOT lame.  But rather, my older, more mature self viewed the scale as demonstrating patterns observed over the last few years, which is that after a bad, exhausting day, I enjoy doing activities with others (such as dinner with a group of friends) to feel more like myself again.

I’ve had patients, especially college students, treated with meds for social phobia, but upon further questioning discovered that they were urged by family members or friends to seek help.  Their desire to do solo activities were perceived as “abnormal” by those around them.  I educate them about the misconceptions of being an introvert versus extrovert in hopes that they’ll feel less guilty about wanting to stay in for a quiet night at home rather than get wasted at the frat party down the street.  Several introverts are also socially outgoing, but may prefer “down time” to relax rather than impressing partygoers with their best keg stand.  Great introverted talents and leaders (Steven Spielberg, Julia Roberts, Warren Buffett, JK Rowling, to name a few) excel in different ways than extroverts, such as listening, problem-solving, thinking things through, and leading proactive group members.

Thought of the Day:  Which type of activities energize you after an exchausting day?

New Beginnings

Taking in the scenery from my balcony on my last day in Oregon

I’m currently sitting on my couch wearing gym attire contemplating whether or not to head to the gym.  Five minutes into a repeat episode of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” I convince myself of an alternate plan to work out at 5am tomorrow before going to clinic (I confess that this is the 10th time I’ve created this plan, but have executed it only once).

My lackadaisical behavior doesn’t surprise me.  Previous blogposts exhibit this behavior (here/) and I attribute the laziness to a recent move.  My childhood memories relate the experience to the song “Kindergarten Wall:”

“And remember the seed in the little paper cup:

First the root grows down and then the plant grows up!”

I was uprooted when I moved to Oregon, then eventually established my community and made it my home.  Moving is a huge transition.  One may need to adjust to a new work environment or find a new job, meet new people, discover the least traffic congested roads, join a new gym, etc.  I have several patients who present with depression related to a recent move.  Though each case is unique, I don’t automatically treat the depression by adding a new medication because mood may improve over time.  I empathize with their struggles and generally offer support through the adjustment phase.

It took me about six months to feel comfortable living in Oregon, though i criticized myself each time I felt sad, homesick, and overwhelmed with change.  Now that I’m back in so-cal, it’s taking a bit longer than expected to create a daily routine, but I’m familiar with my pattern of establishing roots in a new area of residence (the exercise routine will get there…eventually).

Oregon Trails

The countdown of the last eight years of medical school and residency seemed never-ending, but the remaining seven weeks until graduation seem to fly by way too fast.  So much has happened in the last six months since my latest blogpost, which includes securing a new job as an outpatient psychiatrist back home in southern California, finishing my final duties as chief resident, starting/leading a bipolar support group, gaining confidence in my abilities as a psychotherapist, and feeling sentimental about my treasured time spent in Oregon.  I anticipate the next few weeks to be packed with fun-filled exploration of the great Northwest, which I plan to share with all of you, starting with a few photos from recent trips to  Silverton and the Oregon coast.

 

 

A Life of Distractions

{sunny skies in Los Angeles}

 Life gets hectic.  Projects fall to the wayside, self-care less prioritized, hobbies take a backseat, laundry piles up, house chaotically clutters — a reflection of our minds overly-stressed from numerous tasks and obligations.  Neglecting my blog for the last 2.5 months was an unfortunate bi-product of  accomodating my piling “to-do” list these past few months (in addition to less workouts and a messy apartment). 

Awareness is key, followed by figuring out how to shift/balance your priorities (a tough task, though it’s possible).  Hence, my waking up a half an hour earlier today to write a blogpost in order to reclaim my passion towards writing.

Which important activities (or people) do you pay less attention to during your most stressful, overwhelming moments?

{one of my fave places to think – the fountain at Beverly Canon Gardens}

Laziness

{Smathers Beach at Key West}

Staring at my “to-do” list makes me angry.  Only two out of twelve items have been checked off over the course of two weeks.  Even as I sit at my usual coffee shop, I’d rather listen to music and daydream of being a karaoke superstar (oddly, I had similar daydreams as a child) or taking a tropical beach vacation instead of doing work.  Perhaps I’m tired…or miss my friends and family…or am so overwhelmed by work that I’m procrastinating until the very last minute before I get in trouble (something I used to do in grade school)…or a combination of everything plus life, in general. 

Yesterday morning, I released some aggression at kickboxing class, and on my way out, I couldn’t help but smile.  At the nearby park, a group of adorable kids were seated around a campfire, laughing and telling jokes.  And at that moment, I realized – Sometimes life gets so stressful that we can’t help but revert to our childhood ways of coping, that is, until reality sets in.  I’m a physician (not a karaoke dynamo) and I can no longer rely on teachers punishing me for late work submissions.

If only life could be as simple as a campfire during summer break.

Sunset, Sunrise

{another sunset in Waikiki}

Written on May 10, 2011…

I just returned from an extremely quick and busy trip to Oahu, then LA, then the Philippines, then nor-cal, and now back to Oregon.  Overall, my trip was amazing, inspirational, sad, surreal, spiritual, traditional, and much more words I can’t even recall due overwhelming jet-lag.  Unforgettable.  I’ve watched the sun rise and set in many places, but never has the daily event inspired so much meaning…until the sun rose on the day of my grandmother’s funeral on May 7, 2011.  Each day is marked by a beginning and an end, but the memory of my grandmother’s laughter and love I will never forget.

Happy Birthday Lola…I miss you…